The winter holidays are just around the corner, and parents everywhere are starting layaways and looking at their kids’ wish lists.
Unfortunately, all those special activities, traditions and gifts that are associated with the holiday season can put you under a lot of financial stress, especially when you’re trying to navigate the expenses with an ex. Coordinating the holiday budget with your co-parent may not be easy, but it’s important to try – especially if you want to give your kids a happy holiday season and minimize stress. Here’s where to start:
Make a list of the anticipated expenses
Child support is designed to cover a child’s basic needs – not all the extras that they usually get at the holidays. Before you can try to work out a budget with your ex, you need to get an idea of your holiday expenses. Sit down and list what you expect to spend on gifts, special events (like photos with Santa), meals, travel to grandparents’ houses, decorations, holiday clothing and more. That gives you a starting point for negotiations with your ex.
Start with a respectful conversation
Reach out to your ex and let them know you want to talk about the holiday expenses. Acknowledge that it can be tough on you both financially to come up with the extra money for the season, but emphasize that you want to keep things special for the kids. A collaborative and considerate approach can set the tone for a positive working relationship and outcome.
Discuss methods of splitting the costs
There are several different approaches you can take. If you and your ex are roughly on equal financial footing, you could each contribute 50% of the overall holiday budget. If your incomes are not equal, you could propose an agreement where the costs are divided proportionally (such as a 70/30 split or whatever is reflective of the disparity in incomes). Alternatively, you could each agree to pay for certain costs. For example, you could agree to foot the bill for all the holiday travel and new clothes, while your ex agrees to pay for holiday haircuts, photos with Santa and other special events – and each of you could be responsible for your own gifts.
Communicate clearly about purchases
Finally, to avoid duplicate purchases, get a plan together on how you’ll keep each other informed. You can use online “wish list” apps to see what’s already been purchased, set gift limits (so that neither of you feels compelled to outdo the other in generosity) or just use text messages as you go.
Co-parenting can be rough, but keeping the focus squarely on your children and their experience can make the holiday season easier. If your co-parenting agreement seems to be inadequate or unworkable, however, it may be time to seek additional legal information.
